trouble cames in differnt sizes (and ranks)

I don't know whether I've done the right thing or not but I have given my weeping friend and ultimatum. I have told her that this is absolutely the last time I will see her in that condition without getting qualified help. I made it about me, not about her. I told her that I just couldn't accept responsibility for her safety.

I was possibly a little harsh. I didn't moralise about her affair (that is not my role) but I did tell her that her behaviour was selfish and childish. This may well come back to bite me on the bum but it needed to be said. PMS can only be blamed for so much before it becomes something else. This is not about her hormones, it is about how she chooses to face life. If chemical assistance is what is needed then that is what she should seek. Pride is a lousy excuse for living like that.

She listened when I talked which is more than I hoped. I thought she might bolt at the first sign of tough love. We parted on amiable term. I hope it lasts.

One a totally different note - I had a call from B yesterday. She, and her hubby, are not happy chappies.

Let me tell you a story.

Imagine a young couple (lets call them John and Betty), both in the army, married for four and a half years. During that time, between them, they have had 5 overseas deployments of 6 months each (Iraq 3 times, Timor twice), and one of 4 months (Malaysia). None of the deployments have overlapped so, in 55 months of marriage, deployments have kept them apart for 33. They have also been sent on bush exercises and training/promotion courses totalling 12½ months where they didn't overlap. So out of 55months, they have actually cohabited for a grand total of 9½ months. They have managed to be together for their anniversary only once.

They are both scheduled to be deployed again later this year. The original schedule saw them both leaving in August. That has now altered so that John doesn't leave until October. So the overlap is now only four months and the total apart will be eight.

John is currently out bush. After he left (3 weeks ago), Betty was informed she was also going out bush. She leaves 4 days before her husband gets home. Now, before she deploys in August, they will have a whole 11 days together.

Betty wrote John a letter telling him what had happened (letter are their only method of communication whilst out bush). (She tried to get hold of one of the chaplains but none were available.) When John got the letter (9 days later) he approached his Sgt for access to the sat phone so he could talk to her about such things as where the house keys would be when he got back, who would be looking after the cat, arrangements for him to get back from base etc etc. Just your normal domestic problems. His Sgt agreed and took it to the Lt who also agreed. It was taken to the Cpt who took John to the phone. They waited whilst a Maj finished his call. The Maj questioned why John was being allowed access and, after hearing out the situation, vetoed the call.

Arsehole doesn't even cover it.

Apparently the Cpt and the Lt who had originally granted permission were having a bit of a whine about Maj Fuckhead and his lack of empathy and understanding of John's situation and were overheard by a half Col from another regiment. He was horrified and told them to find John and give him time on the sat phone in his tent.

John and Betty eventually spoke but, because of one arsewipe with a little power, it very nearly didn't happen. They will now not see each other until 22 July. Their only contact will be via mail to bush camps and the vague possibility of a phone call.

And the army can't understand why it is losing NCOs.

John and Betty will both be handing in their resignations within the next two years. John will be joining the other 65 NCOs whose resignations from his regiment will come into effect in the next 24 months.

John had planned on a lifelong career in the forces. Betty had planned on remaining as a reservist after having her family. Those dreams have been shattered because the army insists on putting petty despots in positions of power over the rank and file. Because the pastoral care is lacking. Because our personnel are committed in way too many places and the people (and their abandoned families) are burnt out.

The only solutions that have been put on the table have been monetary bribes to get middle ranks to sign on for more time and an increased recruitment drive. All the money in the world will not compensate for a marriage falling apart from separation or families disintegrating from neglect. All the new recruits (if they can get them) will not compensate for the loss of experience from resigning disenchanted troops. Until the officers in power gain some decent interpersonal skills (or get sacked) and the hierarchy realises that there are people inside those uniforms, they will keep losing the people they should hang onto most.

Yeah, my girl (and her hubby) are not happy