out of warranty

For the last few weeks I have had an annoying puffy eyelid. At first I didn't realise. All I was aware of was my glasses not feeling "proper" on my nose. It was a girlfriend that first noted the eyelid (when you have a face like mine, you don't spend a lot of time looking in the mirror so you can miss these sorts of things).

It isn't sore or itchy or inflamed or evil looking, it's just puffy. It comes up over night and slowly goes away during the day.

I did all the usual things you do with self-diagnosis. I tried heat packs and ice packs and cucumber slices and eye baths. I did the eye drops in case it was something in my eye. I did the pseudo-ephedrine in case it was a snot thing. I did antihistamines in case it was an allergy. I changed the bedding and bought a new pillow. (I even tried sleeping in another bed in case I was allergic to the spouse!).

To no avail.

It just got puffier and slower to deflate over the day.

*sigh* Time to fork out for a quack. But it seemed like such a silly thing about which to consult a doctor. *sigh*

Yesterday I girded my loins and went to see the expert. He shone lights and poked and prodded and asked umpteen questions. He then dragged the senior GP in and repeated the exercise. They then rang a "specialist" and conferred with him.

There were more tests. My eye was dyed with flouro drops and numbed with others. There were lights and huge magnifying lenses and darkened rooms. The ophthalmologist was rung again and more conversation ensued.

After a wait, I was shuffled off to have my head X-rayed and a million gallons of my blood (well, that's what it felt like) decanted into assorted vials. Then back to the quack for a referral for more tests and an appointment with the big bloke next week.

The GP was a really nice bloke and very straight forward with me. He did, however, ever so slightly freak me out with his talk of CT scans to look for "masses". I did what every mass-fearing patient does. I came home (several hundred dollars poorer) and hit the net.

I put my symptoms into Google and came up with lots of nice medical type pages to browse through.

Not a good plan.

My vague fright from the innocuous word "mass" grew exponentially with each page. The words "sarcoma" (and variation of) and "tumour" seemed to be the flavour of the month on pages dealing with supra-orbital swelling. "Metastases" also loomed large, as did "loss of vision". After 11 pages I decided to stop reading.

This afternoon I am having a CT scan.

Next Wednesday I see the ophthalmologist.

I have decided that, until then, I will not worry about all the scary possibilities. I shall be optimistic. I shall believe it's just something simple like a blocked duct or bruising or the like.

That gives me time to worry about my blood pressure which seems to have gone through the roof in the last 12 months.

I lose weight and get fit and my bloody body falls to pieces on me. Bloody old age.