it's all in the name

Before I was married, I was lumbered with one of those appalling surnames that was not only easy to ridicule, it was not pronounced the way it was spelt. Dad was quite anal about it being pronounced properly (there were occasional long tirades about Celtic pride, last of his line, Culloden etc). I really didn't care how anyone said it, as long as they weren't making hay with the "hogg" part of it, or calling me Fifi, I was happy.

All that aside, in those days, names were usually easy. Apart from the odd Sidebottom that had to (pretentiously) be pronounced Siddie-bot-tom (and was usually turned into something much more earthy), everyone had a name we could read and say properly.

But, it went even further than that. We could tell an awful lot from a name without even meeting the person.

For a start, in those days, names were gender specific. There were not names like Courtney that could be either. Even when there was a name that applied to both, it was spelled differently. Lesley for a man and Leslie or a woman, Frances for a girl and Francis for a boy. Other than Kim, you could read someone's name and know their anatomy.

You could tell lots of other stuff too. Age, ethnic origins, religion, class, even place of birth. It was not always reliable but there were some pretty good rules of thumb that worked most of the time.

Any woman named after a stone, a flower, a city or a virtue was someone's grandma. Violets and Florence were never young people. Brendans and Pauls (and any other saints name) were always catholic. People named after the royal family were CofE and dated from the birth or coronation of the name. (There were dozens of girls named Liz in my age group because of her enthronement.) People were inclined to stick to names with in their ethnic origins so a Patrick was not only catholic, he had Irish ancestors and an Edward had pommie forebears and was CofE. Kids with double-barrelled names or surnames (as given names) were usually Americans.

Fashions in names were also evident and assisted in classifying people. Kids named after film stars were usually from working class parents and born during the height of a star's career. Not many boys were named after actors because they had funny names like Rock, Duke and Clark and we all knew that these were not appropriate names for Aussie kids.

We knew the rules and we stuck to them. Surnames and given names were never confused. Names were always spelt the same way. Ethnic lines were never crossed.

Then came the hippie era.

Oh boy.

Suddenly all the rules changed. Not just for the hippies, but for everyone.

Kids started to be saddled with names like Sunshine. No gender. No religion. No ethnic origins.

Then even the "normal" people went berserk. Names were dug up from eons past or strange ethnic groups.Surnames became given names and parents crossed all sorts of religious and ethnic barriers. Everyone wanted to be different and exotic.

Of course, it didn't really work very well. A name that was outlandish when we first heard it became commonplace when it was given to every third kid. No-one had ever heard the name Kylie and Jason had been dug up from antiquity. Now there were a couple in every kindergarten class.

So, names were made up or spelt creatively or random word adopted from other cultures. Names were snaffled from comic books and fantasy and popular novels. There were no holes barred.

As a result, kids got tortured with some appalling names. (Zowie Bowie and River Phoenix spring immediately to mind.)

In my extended family there are some classic examples. We have an OrangeMoon, a Raku and an Eiler amongst my kids cousins. My sister used a Greek name for her daughter and her stepkids all have exotic names too.

My kids, on the other hand, have very ordinary names. They all reflect our British heritage and are spelled the"right" way. They are all gender specific.

When my kids have discussed names that they intend to use for their own offspring, the same can be said.

The tide has turned somewhat in the name game (as tides are wont to do). There are still the odd smattering of exotica but most kids now have a more classic name. (Interestingly, Jack is both the most popular baby boy's name in our state AND the most popular dog's name!)

Which would all go to prove my point. If I had one. Which I don't.

I was reading gossip columns in the paper this morning and a mention of a kid called Zuma (poor kid) got me thinking.

I thought I'd share.

I'll go away now.