celebrating the fear

I has a call from my adorable son-in-law yesterday. He was over the moon with excitement.

Several months ago, when deployments were being handed out, he was more than a little pissed off to be told he was going to Timor (again). Pissed off and disappointed. It isn't that he thinks Timor is not a worthy place to serve, it is that it is a very routine posting these days. He has spent many years practising and perfecting the skills he needs as a recon specialist and has never had the chance to use his craft in earnest. Even his stint in Iraq was spent guarding diplomats and VIPs.

Yesterday he was told that his deployment has been changed. For various reasons they are having to replace a couple of the corporals that were in the original pick for Afghanistan. They chose our boy as one of those replacements.

Not only will this give him the chance to perform some genuine recon work, last night they gave him the second hook he needs to fill the role. He only received his first stripe in January. To be promoted again, in such short time, is almost unheard of (particularly in infantry). He will not only be doing what he has trained so hard to do for so many years, he will be doing it as a seco!

The added advantage is that he and B will both be in country at the same time. Phone calls will be in the same time zone and can be arranged to fit in with known availability. There might even be opportunities to see each other, in the flesh. With a little help from the Padre, they may well get mid deployment leave at the same time and place. This is all very good news. For both of them.

It has always been very easy to love the man my daughter chose to bring into our family. I am also immensely proud of him. He's a good man.

The downside of all of this is that, rather than cruising through the motions in (relatively) safe Timor, he will be on the most dangerous patch our boys are currently covering. He will be doing one of the most exposed jobs. Doing what he loves will mean putting his life on the line like never before.

Not long after he called, I had another call from his wife.

B is currently doing her pre-deployment training. Yesterday was a nasty one. Yesterday was filling in forms for next of kin notification and updating wills and insurances. When she came home she had to call up her NOK choices and instruct them in how she wanted the situation handled in case of injury or death. She also had to tell me (because I am her primary NOK with her hubby also deployed) about her preferences for hearing bad news from home.

It was a double whammy this time because there are two lists to consider. My son and I are on both lists.

So, in amongst all the celebrations at J's promotion and new deployment, there was the underlying knowledge of what could be. I am pleased for him. I am pleased for them both. This is what they want to be doing and they are doing it well. I will joyously celebrate along side them.

I don't need to tell them of my fear.

They know